Goodbye, the saddest word to say

It’s 2.00AM. Eyes are closing, calling me to go to bed. Still, I have to blog my last post before leaving.

Few weeks before, I checked my matriculation result at night , and “Tahniah” appeared just before my eyes. I was chosen to go for the government matriculation programme, which only takes a year to complete my pre-U study. It’s short , comparing to Form 6, but the bad news is, I have to give up my hope for going to oversea, for matriculation isn’t globally recognised.

Was struggling between Form 6 and private colleges before that. Now all the problems reached an end. U would never know how thrilled , excited I was, but I managed to suppress it by saying a “YES” , softly, in front of mum who was beside me.

Immediately then, I called up HongSeng, helped him with the checking, Texted WoanShian, ChingLi, SinTing. Disappointed to learn that no one got the offer. My cousin and primary school friends got it. But not to Perak. It’s fated. I have to be alone.

This will be the first time staying so long outside, alone, with strangers around. Mixed feeling filled me up and I felt sad all of a sudden….

I am leaving soon. 

The next day , I bathed myself and sang one of my favourite bathroom-song, 祝你一路顺风 , as usual. And that’s the unusual part. I started to take notice on the lyrics while singing. And then, I started choking, and a twitch struck me, in my nose. Shit. I quickly washed out everything of my mind. Still there was some tears in my eyes and I managed to hold them back. I was near tears.

Don’t ever sing such song in bathroom again.

The days after that, I carried on with my temporary happy-go-lucky life. Never feel the sorrow anymore. There were so many events ahead, which I anticipated so much.

Malacca trip with Besta friends. ( I don’t want to say colleagues , sounds formal)

2 Days and 1 night trip that was enjoyable to the maximum. Crazy with all these people who are, no offence, 2 years OLDER than me .

Next, meeting up Pn Yeap, my dear coach . Ended up chatting for 4 hours, without fail. She’s even more excited than me while receiving my message telling her that I got matric.

A photo taken in Kuantan last year.

Next day, a small reunion with them at WongKok. WenHui, Selvina, Xiwen, and Sinting below.

Thanks Nicholas for joining too.

A card from them. No wonder WenHui was writing at the next table , and one by one was called there and wrote something. I was so dumb to realize that they’re actually writing their wishes on that piece of card. I swear I do not know they’re doing this and that’s really a great surprise.

I was asked to only open the envelope when arriving at Perak. Till now, I never opened it. I keep my promise.

The day after …

They told me they will arrive at my house by seven. So I vacuumed the rooms while waiting for them, and they gave unexpected surprise by coming an hour earlier! (Shit, I was half-naked that time)

Served them with my homemade pudding and dessert. I guess they tasted bad.

They insisted going to Korean Restaurant for dinner. And I followed.

Scrumptious dinner. Polite waiters that made me felt uncomfortable. I was never been treated so politely by waiter.

Wonderful pictures.

Back to my home at 11 and watched that foolish horror movie till 12. Then they left.

The guys , gave me hugs, before leaving. And suddenly, felt a quiver of sadness sent down my spine. Hugs. Physical affection. Reminding me that, I am leaving……

The last day of farewell, attended by a bunch of prefects, with Jonny did most of the organising part.

Wandered around to kill time while waiting for movie to start, with WoanShian, Chingli and GIgi, my loyal driver.

Lake Garden.

 

After watching Pirates of The Carribean (thanks Yow chun for the CocaCola) , headed to Lot 10 for hotpot buffet.

The prefects gang.

Fine RM5.00 for 100gm wastage. It’s fun while taking meat, veges , without knowing that we’ve limited space in stomach. Thanks to Joshua, for sweeping most of the leftover into his belly.

Chatting at dining table was fun. Listening to funny gossips was entertaining. I can still remember few of those sick jokes.

Had been mingled among prefects for 5 years, glad to know that the relationship built throughout years is still there, happy for the attendance of form 5 prefects, who turned up despite the mid year examination. Thanks for all who turned up, regardlss of the rumours saying that it’s the end of the world on that day. Keep in touch, hopefully…

“Once a prefect, forever a prefect”  quoted from Mr John.

Fatigued. After attending so many farewell gatherings in few days.

I woke up at 11am the next morning, confused, with my eyes half-opened.

“How many days I still have in KL? One or two? “

One more, I realize. Heart throbbing in a faster pace after getting the right answer, and just felt very uncomfortable. No more dependency on friends to forget the fact that I’m leaving.

I know, I must face it. I closed my eyes, feel the terror, the anxiety, the fear of the coming. Some emotions squeezing my heart, I breathed deeply, and heaved a heavy sigh. Repeatedly. I was trying to figure out, why am I scared?

Scared of leaving home?

Scared of meeting new friends?

Scared of staying outside?

No.

I am scared of parting. My inner part of myself was supremely reluctant to say goodbye.

Some people said, “ Why we hold a farewell for you? You are not very far from us.”

That’s absolutely true. Plus with the fact that I am only studying there for a year, 11 months, to be more precise.

Yet I know, the Earth keeps rotating around its axis. People still keep moving on with their lives. Everybody soon getting their new friends, and the friendship that was once strong would not be so after the passing of time. Everything will be different , after a year. I am a sentimental person, I have to admit. I wasn’t like this few years ago. But friends around changed me to be so, touched me with concerns, encouragements, supports that seem to be endless. Now I’m leaving.

I tell my friends to be aggressive in making new friends. That’s what I want to tell myself. I want to tell myself, move on. Look into the future. Do not always cling to the old friendships and reluctant to go. I was the one who made a wish last year, in which I hope I can find a new gang of friends who share the same ideology and together we strive, struggle, battle for excellence. God granted me my wish.

Can sense the ambivalence in myself.

Goodbye is the hardest, saddest word to say.

I told my friend, “Forever Friend” doesn’t exist. Deep in the bottom , I hope it does.

A sincere gratitude to all who had helped me under no circumstances. I appreciate that very much.

Let’s move on.

Goodbye.

Back to School,eventually, after 5 months.

www.dicewithlife.blogspot.com.